Wednesday, 24 July 2013

The English language

I don't have anything for you today, but instead of giving you nothing, I'll give you something about the English language. This got sent me by a friend some time ago, hope you guys like it. It may be a bit confusing, so heads up on that. I do apologize for the length of it, it is a bit long - but worth it.


Ours is definitely not an easy language!!
THIS IS GREAT!!!  Read  all the way to the end....  This took a lot of  work to put  together!!!   
You think English is  easy??? 
Read to the end . . a new  twist 

1) The  bandage was wound around  the wound.   
2)  The farm was used to produce  produce. 
3)  The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4)  We must polish the Polish furniture. 
5) He  could lead if  he would get the lead out.
6)  The soldier decided to desert his  dessert in the desert.
7)  Since there is no time like the present,  he thought it was time to present the present 
8)  A bass was  painted on the head of the bass drum.
9)  When shot at, the dove  dove into  the bushes.
10) I did not object to  the object. 
11)  The insurance was invalid for  the invalid. 
12)  There was a row among  the oarsmen about how to row ...
13)  They were too close to  the door to close it. 
14)  The buck does funny  things when the does are  present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell  down into a sewer line.
16)  To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17)  The wind was  too strong to wind the  sail. 
18)  Upon seeing the tear in  the painting I shed a tear.
19)  I had to subject the subject to  a series of tests. 
20)  How can I intimate this  to my most intimate friend? 

Let's  face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg  in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor  pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in  England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are  candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are  meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore  its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,  boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a  pig. 
And why is it that  writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't  groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is  teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One  goose, 2 geese.. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2  indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make  amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds  and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do  you call it? 
If  teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a  vegetarian eats vegetables what does a humanitarian eat?  Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.  In  what language do people recite at a play and play at a  recital?  Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?  Have noses that run and feet that smell? 
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while  a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?  You have to  marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which  your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you  fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an  alarm goes off by going on. 
English  was invented by people not computers and it reflects  the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is  not a race at all. That is why when the stars are out  they are visible but when the lights are on they are  invisible. 

PS.  - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

You  lovers of the English language might enjoy this  . 
There is  a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than  any other two-letter word, and that  is 'UP'

It's easy  to understand UP , meaning  toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we  awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a  meeting, why does a topic  come UP ? Why do  we speak UP and why are the officers UP for  election and why is it UP to the  secretary to write UP a report  ? 
We  call UP our  friends. And we use it to  brighten UP a room,  polish UP the  silver; we warm UP the  leftovers and clean UP the  kitchen. We lock UP the house  and some guys fix UP the old  car. At other times the little word has real special  meaning. People stir UP trouble,  line UP for  tickets, work UP an  appetite, and think UP excuses..  To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is  special. 
And  this UP is  confusing: A drain must be  opened UP because  it is stopped UP . We  open UP a store  in the morning but we close  it UP at  night. 
We seem  to be pretty  mixed UP about UP ! To be  knowledgeable about the proper uses  of UP, look the  word UP in the  dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost  1/4th of the page and can  add UP to about  thirty definitions. If you  are UP to it,  you might try building UP a list of  the many ways UP is used.  It will take UP a lot of  your time , but if you don't give UP ,you may  wind UP with a  hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it  is clouding UP .. When  the sun comes out we say it is  clearing UP ...
When  it rains, it wets the earth and often messes  things UP. 
When it  doesn't rain for awhile, things  dry UP .
One could  go on and on, but I'll wrap  it UP , for now  my time is UP ,  so........it is time to shut UP ! 
Oh . . .  one more  thing: 
What is  the first thing you do in the morning & the last  thing you do at night? Yes, U-P

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